My Failed VBAC + Birth Story

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you prayed for it, worked for it, and even dreamt about it but still couldn’t have it? That was me and my birth experience. I wanted nothing more than to be able to experience a natural, vaginal birth after having a c-section ( VBAC ) 8 years ago but God had other plans.

How’d it Start?

When reality set in back in October that we were having another child, I shared with my husband that I wanted a home-birth and he said no problem. However, we were quickly humbled when we saw the costs of having a home birth. An upwards of $5,000 to deliver your own baby in your home. Honestly, that just wasn’t in our budget. 

Instead, we hired a doula to help prepare for a vaginal, unmedicated birth in the hospital. I also decided to use a Midwife practice instead of using a gynecologist ( best decision ever BTW ). If you didn’t already know this, research shows that having a doula lowers your chances of having a cesarean by 28-56% for full-term births. Safe to say I was super happy my husband made this happen for me.

Being considered “high risk” due to my pre-term labor with twins 8 years ago, I strongly feel that my doula helped me go full-term this time around. From being available 24/7 for any concerns, to consulting her for second opinions after meeting with my midwives, and taking natural vs medical approaches on anything that had come up throughout my pregnancy, it made all the difference. I highly recommend!

How My Pregnancy Went 

Wheww. This pregnancy hit DIFFERENT. I had intense morning sickness and the worst Charlie horses of my life throughout the first trimester, severe rib pain my second trimester, and anemia so far into my 3rd that I needed weekly iron infusions.

Oh and walking? I had the penguin waddle starting from 6 months so it made it really hard to attend events for my kids or hang out at their practices. Little ol’ me delivered an 8+ lb baby so imagine that. 

Honestly, no one talks enough about how hard it is being pregnant when you already have children. Add on a rough pregnancy and mom guilt will really be at an all-time high. I was missing events because I was worried about pre-term labor, too sick and tired, or simply because I felt too huge and out of breath to take part in any activities. 

It wasn't easy at all. 

What I Did to Prepare for a Natural Birth 

Preparing to have an unmedicated birth is no easy task. Any doula or midwife will tell you it’s a marathon. Would you run a marathon without preparing first? Doubt it. 

Here’s what I did to prepare my mind and body: 

1. Affirmations 

This was at the top of the list. I wrote down affirmations and recited them each night. Here were some of my favorites. 

• I stay present, fear does not exist here 
• I can do anything for 1 minute
• This pain is temporary 

**I also had my kids write affirmations for me to hang in the delivery room. I felt like seeing their handwriting, reminding me that I can do it would make me feel empowered to push through.*

Here’s a snapshot of some of them

2. Breath Work

This was another crucial piece of having a natural labor. My doula gave me a bunch of breathing exercises to choose from and I also watched this youtube video often to help perfect the techniques. 

My favorite breathing technique?  J breathing 

3. Physical work 

My doula showed me a bunch of stretching techniques to help prepare my body for labor and bring the baby into the perfect position. I’d be lying if I said I took this as seriously as I should’ve. I fell short here and I know a lot of it has to do with the lack of exercise I did prior to being pregnant. What I will say is though is that I really feel like my pregnancy would’ve been smoother if I’d been more active from the start. 

Here were some of the exercises I did

• Lunges 
• Deep squats
• Ball circles 
• Forward-leaning inversion
• Figure 8 ball 

Stretch my friends, stretch.

4. Social Media 

The last thing I did that really helped was consume only positive content on natural births. Leave it to the algorithm to hit you with as much relatable content as possible. It was showing me natural births but negative experiences and it started to make me question my decision. 

So, I made sure to search for positive experiences so that the algorithm was doing the right thing. I also followed Instagram accounts that not only educated me on natural births but also shared the most beautiful birth stories. 

These were the accounts 

• @the_practising_midwife_journal
• @awerkingmama
• @badassmotherbirther

Shi* Started Getting Real 

My midwives had me convinced that I’d go into labor early because of my previous preterm labor at 30 weeks. My due date was June 28th so I was expecting the baby to be here in late May or early June. 

I was having SO many Braxton hicks contractions and even REAL contractions around week 37 that I thought multiple times it was go time only to be told each weekly visit that I was nowhere near dilated. 

By week 38 I was feeling so discouraged and frustrated because I’d have all the signs of labor but no cervical progression. 

39 weeks hit and I was panicked because my midwife's office highly suggested against me going beyond 41 weeks and they also would not induce me because of my prior c-section, which meant I’d have to have a c-section again if he wasn’t here by then. 

I went into beast mode at week 39 and started walking like crazy, running, doing the miles circuit twice a day, and eating all the labor-inducing foods out there. Nothing was working.

I was so emotionally drained from all the things I was doing to induce labor, the flood of text messages asking if baby boy was here yet, and the disappointed look on my midwives face when each cervical exam showed that I was still dilated to a 0 by week 40. 

I felt like my body couldn’t do what it was made to do and It was the absolute worst feeling. I did my best to let go at this point and pray that within the next few days leading up to the 41-week mark, I’d see a change. Unfortunately, I did not .. until the day of my scheduled c-section. 

Here’s How Things Ended

July 5th, 2023 was my scheduled c-section. Originally when my midwife's office called to schedule this out months in advance I rolled my eyes thinking they didn’t know what they were talking about and this was totally unnecessary. They explained that they do this to avoid an emergency situation and to be able to calmly go into surgery if needed. I agreed and put it at the back of my mind. 

Well, here I am on July 5th sitting in the hospital bed, my husband by my side, baby monitors strapped to my belly, and my doula at my feet helping me relax with acupuncture and massaging, and BOOM all of a sudden I’m contracting every 5 - 10 minutes. 

After all that emotional drama and I start contracting within an hour of my scheduled c-section?! Are you kidding me?

My doula encouraged me to try and go for it. At this point, I was coming to terms with the fact that my dream of a natural vaginal birth wasn’t going to happen but I decided to ask for one last cervical check to see if my contractions were making me dilate…

They weren’t. 

So, I made the decision to go through with the c-section and finally bring our son into this world at 41 weeks pregnant. 

It was hard

It was scary 

It was exhausting 

But it was all so worth it. 

Would I do it all over again? 

I’d rather not … HA. 

But, I’m SO in love and officially a mommy of 3. I feel so complete. 

If you’re going for a VBAC, I’m sending all of the positive vibes your way and reminding you to push through to the very end for what you want.

Even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll find peace in knowing you did absolutely everything you could to have the birth you wanted.

Tell me in the comments how your VBAC went or if you're trying for one!